Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
