I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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