why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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