So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
