I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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