i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
