Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize