is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
