I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
