The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
