I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Green mimosas i think yes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
