He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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