On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
