insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
