do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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