I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize