dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize