I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
