just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
