So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
