Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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