If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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