Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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