Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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