Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
