Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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