since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
