why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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