people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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