About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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