I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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