Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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