All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
