we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
