well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
