i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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