My brain says no but my pants say off.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
