We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize