I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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