Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
