Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
