So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
