The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
