I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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