I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
