I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
