alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
