I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
