I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
