these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
