We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
