My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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