he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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