just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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