How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
