Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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