mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
