don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize