i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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