I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
