Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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