I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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