I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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