Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
