who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
