dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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