So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
