i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
