YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
