I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just gargled with NyQuil
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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