Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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